The End of an Era

Jeff and I have felt for a while now that three kids is our number. It was a hard conclusion to come to ... I mean how do you really know these things for sure?  It was like when we first started having babies. How do you decide that you're ready? We came to the realization that you're never ready -  at some point we just had to say 'ok it's time'. Five years later we're now deciding that it's time to be done. Three seems to be a good number for us.  We're stretched, but not beyond what we can handle. We still have time, energy, and excitement for these three little blessings.

It's a decision we're happy with but it hasn't come without doubts. I look at these three precious boys and know that I could love three more just like them. But it is important to me to know that I have poured into each of these boys as much as I can while I have them. And so for us, the perfect number seems to be three. 

Two weeks ago I weaned Garrett.  It was a bittersweet moment for me.   This baby will be the last one that I nurse, the last one that I carried inside of me.  It marks the end of an era. This season of our lives has been a sweet one, full of hard work, but so amazingly sweet.  At times I get sad thinking about some of the things I will never experience again... the excitement of a positive pregnancy test, the surreal feeling of a baby moving inside of me, the elation of finding out what we're having, the relief and overwhelming joy of delivering a tiny baby, the satisfaction of sustaining a life breastfeeding.  The whole experience of bringing three lives into this world is beyond what I can express. I'm so very thankful for the blessing of being a mommy. 

And while I'm sad that this season is ending, I'm excited for a new season to begin- watching these three babies turn into young men. I'm also ready for a few things, namely to have my energy back. Ready to enjoy new experiences with these boys - school and trips and hobbies and sports! I'm ready to have my body back (it will never be the same that's for sure!) but I hope I can keep in mind the joy these stretch marks have brought me. 

It has been an amazing journey so far and it's only just beginning. I can't wait to see what else is in store!